The New Day

As the planetarium chamber slowly darkened, lecturer Stanley Gardner glanced resignedly around the room. Fifty eager fight-grade chins were already upturned in restless anticipation of the show to begin. It would be Stanley's fourth and final show of the day to be exact, and it had been an unusually busy Saturday at the Science Museum. 'Oh well, better get to it', he thought grimly. 'Maybe one of THESE is the next Newton, you never really know.

With that, Stanley plunged the chamber into complete darkness, resulting in a gasp from the neophyte crowd. 'I see a star!', yelled one junior Kepler, as one by one the children began to note the faintly gleaming points of light in the dark vault overhead. 'Somebody pushed me!', squealed a high pitched voice over to the left - whether it was female or male Stanley didn't know or care. To silence the usual brouhaha that almost always erupted at this point, in the most authoritiative voice he could muster after the long day he began his lecture. And things went well through most of the show. He was quite aware that only a handful of kids were making any real effort to follow the various stars and other sky phenomena he was patiently explaining. But if the rest gained even an iota of curiosity about the universe, Stanley figured he'd done his job. And there was always that elusive 'fun' factor, which might lead a young person to come back if nothing else. Such was the life of the planetarium professional who dealt with student audiences on a regular basis.

Stanley was not quite through this particular lecture however when things began to go wrong. After briefly mentioning the annual Perseid meteor shower, he had turned to the southern Milky Way, where he always wrapped things up with the galactic grandeur. Suddenly a 'whoop' went up from somewhere behind his back. 'Mr Gardner - I saw one!' yelled a boy's voice from the back row. 'There's another BIG one!', it cried out again. Stanley slowly turned around in the darkness. 'Yes?' There's another big WHAT young man?', he asked impatiently - this wasn't supposed to happen, and his dinner was being delayed. 'A PERSEID METEOR sir. I saw it!', came the shrill reply. 'Now that will be enough young ..', Stanley began in a stern voice, but he cut off when he caught something out of the corner of his own eye. Was it a flash of light? Before he could react, a loud 'oooh' suddenly erupted on the other side of the room. This time Stanley whirled in time to see it too. A long graceful meteor could be seen arching down through the Great Square of Pegasus, leaving a softly glowing trail.

The increasingly roudy young crowd began applauding and gasping as suddenly, meteor after meteor began streaming across the planetarium sky. Mr. Gardner stood stunned, his lighted arrow pointer dangling where he had obliviously dropped it. Stunned, because unlike the wildly entertained children, Stanley knew that the Science Museum owned no meteor projector. Indeed, no projector existed that could reproduce the raining meteor spectacle unfolding above their wondering, upturned faces. As Stanley stood transfixed , he slowly became aware that the excited kids had now begun whispering about something else.

Then he saw it too, the streaming meteors had begun fading into a subtly growing light in the dome's eastern sky. By this time his mind had begun reeling, and a dizziness was overtaking him. The kids giggled as a cool, fragrant breeze began blowing into their faces. A chorus of crickets chirping could now be heard, giving way to the faint but unmistakable sound of a distant cock crowing. All at once a blinding ray of light pierced the eastern horizon, brighter than a thousand simulated planetarium suns. A few fluffy white clouds appeared, floating lazily into the rapidly bluing sky.

And as the children happily burbled on, Mr Stanley Gardner, planetarium professional, settled down at last into a comfortable empty chair and waited breathlessly to see what the New Day would bring.

The Night Before Christmas!

Twas the night before Christmas
And under the dome
Not one star was shining
Not even at home

The stockings were hung
Hoping someone would send
A replacement star bulb
So that darkness would end!

But in my kerchief
So regretful you see
Finally settled in bed
Without one L E D

When up on the dometop
There arose such an OOOF
I stumbled outside
There's some guy on the roof!

The crest of the dome
Slowly groaned neath his weight
And the new fallen snow
Soon gave way - not so great!

But he slid down the sides
And went straight to his work
My projector he opened
Wait, who is this jerk?!

But he laughed and assured me
That he was no ringer
And then Stars, how they stiired me
He'd put in a Stinger!!

After stockings were filled
Then he fingered his nose
And he knew I was thrilled
As up the domeside he rose!

But I heard him exclaim
Now believe me, ol gare
Merry Christmas, and look!
Yes, he left me some spares

A Christmas Gare-Ol

A Christmas Gare-ol

Bah HUMSPITZ screeched Gares-a-Geezer Scrooge - it must be distinctly understood that this makes a good story, but is it true? No. Gares-a-geezer Scrooge ran the only Planetarium in OLDE LONDON TOWNE, but attendance had plummeted since Scrooge had installed a drive-through window for carriages to 'improve cash flow'. BaH HUM ZEISS I tell ye! Scrooge yelled at Bob Crunchit, Scrooge's hapless young apprentrice - no-one knew what a 'prentice' was exactly, though clearly Bob was one. I suppose you want ALL DAY off for Christmas! Bob desperately needed a day off from the Planetarium. Scrooge was such a miserly planetarium owner, he had cut back on stars, and Bob had eye strain

trying to point out to patrons the Three Sisters, and the No-Longer-Supersized Dipper. YOU BETCHA! Bob shouted as he ran out, narrowly dodging the rather imposing 10 foot spectre rising up out of Scrooges ancient OhNonos projector. Scrooooge! bellowed the ghost.... you've pawned Orions BELT haven't you!?... The miserly miser winced and tried to hit the dimmers, but they didn't work on the ghost of old Barley, Scrooge's long dead partner (he had been long dead, although he was also long, if you see what I mean). He doesn't have any PANTS, why's he need a BELT? countered the witty miser... but to his dismay Barley's unamused ghost (the worst kind) advanced undimmed, aiming a ghastly arrow pointer Scrooges way.... You will be visited by Three More Ghosts ... and all at once, since this website doesn't have much space. Repent my old partner! And stop overcharging in Ye Olde Gift Shop!!! With this final warning Barley vanished, to be replaced round the dome by three new spectres.

I AM THE GHOST of planetariums past! intoned the first, a dumbbell shaped apparation who lumbered forward as best he could towards Scrooge... Less Lasers, more Science!! the ghost demanded, tweaking the miser's nose as he vanished. I AM THE GHOST of planetariums present! squeaked the second, a round ball-like spirit who rolled up against Scrooge's trouser leg.. I am Globo-Whatever-Star-Stuffer, and you need less stars, more VIDEOS! Scrooge winced once more but was silently agreeing to cut even more constellations when the mysterious sphere vanished - now a third dread glimmer stood before him. I AM THE GHOST of planetariums future! I am nothingness, for in the future who needs planetariums.. project yer fake stars on Facebook and forget them! .. and he was gone.

But Scrooge suddenly saw the error in his ways.. he cancelled his lasers and movies, turned on ALL his stars again and repented, vowing to stay open for all Londoners to appreciate heaven's bounty. And Bob Crunchit returned to work the day after Christmas and resumed showing the public all Seven Sisters, Orion's belt, and even Leo Minor. And so, as his skinny son Tiny Slim was fond of saying.. may the stars bless us .. may the stars bless us

EVERYONE!