Thee Ate Er

From Planetaria Obscura May 2016

             Thee Ate Er
     
So I’ve been calling this round shed I built a theater.  This not to code, easily knocked down, tin roofed little monstrosity a theater. Its got walls of the cheapest paneling, since that bends the best.  Its got a trailer skirting roof, since it could be overlapped.  Its got rafters that are teepee’ed together, a gravity defying trick I finally trusted only a year ago when I nervously took the last supporting 2x4 out and it didn’t collapse.  Its got black vinyl plastic, the stuff I love to hate and hate but love.  The dome part is sprayed white, but continually requires touch up - I remember getting sick the day I did it - da fumes! Da fumes! Sorry.   The floor is uneven, sloped, and covered with ancient rugs. But it’s a theater because I say it’s a theater, despite its construction shortcomings.  What if I compared real theaters with mine?  Dare I??

Up at the movie house we still occasionally go to, you have to sit through 25 minutes of ads and previews.  In mine, you have to sit through 25 minutes of dark adaption.  When I recently saw a Midsummer Nights Dream at a big college, there were kings and queens and heroes and all manner of unlikely creatures. I have that.  The movie place had unlimited butter popcorn.  Mine has unlimited banter popping from me. The play had rich costumes.  Mine has me in somewhat drabber dress, but who cares in the dark.  The real theaters used to have ushers with flashlights.  AHA!  I still employ one of those.  Although he’s been asking for a raise lately, and goes through a lot of batteries…

Have You Seen the Saucers?

From Planetaria Obscura May 2016

  Have You Seen the Saucers?

When I inherited  from my late father in law an additional turntable and old vinyl collection, it went right in the planetarium. Never completely comfortable with invisible digital stuff, now I could buy 99 cent vinyl at Goodwill and sit back in a lazy-gare and contemplate the actual printed French lyrics to Dominique by the Singing Nun.  Who wouldn’t? But how to work it in though - all these soulful old discs. How is a record like a galaxy I mused. There’s a black hole at the center!  I tried to get rolling.  It spins.  It has side A and side B - like …  matter and anti matter …  light and dark matter…   Gravity holds the needle in the groove - its like the march of time from the outer edge to the innermost track.  That’s all I could think of, but after an extensive google-based search of 10 seconds, there was this:…. The linear velocity of the needle in the groove is much slower near the end of the record than at the beginning.  This means the frequency response is audibly different on the inner tracks… its always a good idea to end each side with a quiet song.  That sounds like red shifted light - the further out, the faster…  the old stars at the center quiet down while the young ones out further rage…. ..

But did Kiss end LP’s quietly?