A Christmas Gare-Ol

A Christmas Gare-ol

Bah HUMSPITZ screeched Gares-a-Geezer Scrooge - it must be distinctly understood that this makes a good story, but is it true? No. Gares-a-geezer Scrooge ran the only Planetarium in OLDE LONDON TOWNE, but attendance had plummeted since Scrooge had installed a drive-through window for carriages to 'improve cash flow'. BaH HUM ZEISS I tell ye! Scrooge yelled at Bob Crunchit, Scrooge's hapless young apprentrice - no-one knew what a 'prentice' was exactly, though clearly Bob was one. I suppose you want ALL DAY off for Christmas! Bob desperately needed a day off from the Planetarium. Scrooge was such a miserly planetarium owner, he had cut back on stars, and Bob had eye strain

trying to point out to patrons the Three Sisters, and the No-Longer-Supersized Dipper. YOU BETCHA! Bob shouted as he ran out, narrowly dodging the rather imposing 10 foot spectre rising up out of Scrooges ancient OhNonos projector. Scrooooge! bellowed the ghost.... you've pawned Orions BELT haven't you!?... The miserly miser winced and tried to hit the dimmers, but they didn't work on the ghost of old Barley, Scrooge's long dead partner (he had been long dead, although he was also long, if you see what I mean). He doesn't have any PANTS, why's he need a BELT? countered the witty miser... but to his dismay Barley's unamused ghost (the worst kind) advanced undimmed, aiming a ghastly arrow pointer Scrooges way.... You will be visited by Three More Ghosts ... and all at once, since this website doesn't have much space. Repent my old partner! And stop overcharging in Ye Olde Gift Shop!!! With this final warning Barley vanished, to be replaced round the dome by three new spectres.

I AM THE GHOST of planetariums past! intoned the first, a dumbbell shaped apparation who lumbered forward as best he could towards Scrooge... Less Lasers, more Science!! the ghost demanded, tweaking the miser's nose as he vanished. I AM THE GHOST of planetariums present! squeaked the second, a round ball-like spirit who rolled up against Scrooge's trouser leg.. I am Globo-Whatever-Star-Stuffer, and you need less stars, more VIDEOS! Scrooge winced once more but was silently agreeing to cut even more constellations when the mysterious sphere vanished - now a third dread glimmer stood before him. I AM THE GHOST of planetariums future! I am nothingness, for in the future who needs planetariums.. project yer fake stars on Facebook and forget them! .. and he was gone.

But Scrooge suddenly saw the error in his ways.. he cancelled his lasers and movies, turned on ALL his stars again and repented, vowing to stay open for all Londoners to appreciate heaven's bounty. And Bob Crunchit returned to work the day after Christmas and resumed showing the public all Seven Sisters, Orion's belt, and even Leo Minor. And so, as his skinny son Tiny Slim was fond of saying.. may the stars bless us .. may the stars bless us

EVERYONE!